You know your a mother when …

You know your a mother when ….
1.   There are unidentified food particles adhered to at least 50% of your clothing
2.   You think a good nights sleep is 5 uninterrupted hours
3.   You think in terms of three to four hour blocks and reference everything back to either an eating or a nap schedule
4.   You truly believe any semblence of a schedule will save you
5.   You have gotten down on your hands and knees at 2 am and prayed to god that the kid would go back to bed
6.   You have children’s books memorized and can recite them on demand
7.   You googled the words to the Itsy Bitsy Spider because you couldn’t remember how the freaking rythme went. (follow the link for those that haven’t yet)
8.   You have more photos of hands, feet, toes, eye lashes and hair than a stalker does of his victim
9.   You have offended at least one if not more family members with your parenting demands
10. You biceps have gotten more and more shapely as the child has gotten heavier and heavier
11. You refer to your old life as BC (before children)
12. You think your kid is smarter than all the others even though you don’t tell your friends that
13.  You want to take a photo of yourself in a bikkini BC and plaster it throughout the house just to prove you didn’t always look like this
14.  Your hair is just a little thinner, your skin just a little paler and your color just a few more shades of grey
15.   You have dropped your child off at daycare or with a sitter just so you can sleep and accomplish NOTHING
16.  You can literally feed the kid and yourself, empty the dishwasher, make the next mornings coffee, wash all the bottles, take out the dog and cook dinner in 30 minutes.  Rachel Ray has nothing on you …
17.  You want to continue to identify with your friends who don’t have children but it is not without difficulty as their complaints seem trivial to you attempting not to raise Jeffrey Dahmer.
18.  When your child shows you the least bit of affection your day immediately becomes better
19.  You look forward to the weekends, not because you get to have a few drinks and sleep in but because you get to listen to irritating noisy toys, sit on the floor, change all the diapers, feed all the bottles, rock the baby to sleep and be the mom you wish you could during the week.
20.  You leave the hospital and the staff of nurses (the moms of course) teach you the secret handshake and welcome you to the club that you could never be a part of before you had a baby and will always be a member of now that you have.