Tankini

This is probably going to upset some people …. you have been warned.
I am now the reluctant miserable owner of a Tankini.  FUCK
I used to be the happy owner of bikini’s plural, different shapes sizes, all tiny.  Now I’ve got a Tankini which is basically so that I can sort of feel like I’m wearing a bikini except there is appropriate coverage for all my not so appropriate parts. 
It’s my own fault really … I have to a certain extent let myself go.  I don’t go to the gym or walk like I used to.  My yoga matt has done nothing that involves unrolling in ummm … years.
Now I weigh less than I did when I got pregnant the difference is its a shape thing. I may weigh less although the scale keeps creaping back up now that I’m not breastfeeding anymore.  But its totally a shape thing, my shape is off and I’m not happy about it.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so while some people look at me with all my clothes on and think what is that dumb bitch complaining about. I look at me with my clothes off and just see yuck.
I’m making a commitment to get back to the walking, just as soon as we hit above 30 degrees.  Now that the clocks have rolled back I have enough daylight / time to get a decent 1 mile walk in between getting home and dinner time.
I won’t be able to cook dinner but hey … sacrifices have to be made.
Probably shouldn’t be eating that much anyway  … I’m kidding ….. really …. eating is important even on a diet.
The other problem is I spent 18 months eating whatever I wanted, not so much with the pregnancy but I deff ate what I felt like, but then the breastfeeding I was starving all the time and it didn’t matter what I ate, the pounds just kept falling off.
Now I have to get back to watching what I eat, which I’m  not good at and I don’t like.
Hopefully the excersize will help balance out the days when I don’t eat quite as well as I should.
Keep your fingers crossed for me …