Sunshine and F****** Roses
Ok so when the hell was it decided that as a couple with a child we should lie to every other couple we know that has a child to make them think that everything is sunshine and F******* roses.
Here’s my quandry, my husband and I have been struggling with the concept of having a second child. We go back and forth, I even wrote a freaking pro and con list. Of course everyone says you can’t have just one … seriously people what are my kids fucking potato chips? I can have just one ya know why? Cause I’m the one that has to do all the goddamn work. You don’t have to do anything except … well … no there’s no except you don’t have to do anything.
So back and forth we go, pro, our current son will have a sibling (a very important relationship), con, our son will have a sibling 🙂 … you see my problem.
I decided in an effort to do my homework talk to some people I know that have more than one child. My primary concern is the scheduling of two children and the way it will change my relationship with my husband.
So I talk to these people and I’m given lots of good advice about the second one, the schedule, how much more or less work it is, what its like when they are a little older etc etc etc ….
But then I ask, so how was it for you and your husband going to a second kid, cause now you aren’t outnumbering the little humans, now you need to divide and conquer the little humans. Do you think that having to do that caused anymore stress on your relationship?
The resounding answer? “NO … No No No, that isn’t hard at all, we are great, always have been, no issues. Parenting together that’s the key, really its easy we never had any problems.
Really … really
Come on people you honestly expect me to believe that I am the only one who has had a child and it changed my relationship with my husband? Well if that’s the case then I better call the divorce lawyer now. I mean really?!!! It’s hard! Why can’t we admit that openly.
Listen my husband and I are better for what we have gone through these last 8 months, but we are different. Gone are the two people who met and had nothing to worry about but ourselves, they were replaced by the person frantically writing this blog while my kid sleeps. Its just different, like my body, like my life, not in a bad way, I think actually in a better way but its still different. And I don’t for one minute believe that the birth of a second child won’t change my marriage again. Change is not the enemy, change is inevitable, it is not to be feared but embraced.
But come on, when I ask you how the birth of a second or third kid changed your marriage don’t blow smoke up my ass and tell me it didn’t. I’m not going to think less of you, I’m going to appreciate the truth.
How about we don’t lie to each other, how about when you ask me a question I’ll tell you the truth, regardless of whether or not you want to hear it.
For this particular situation though, the next time I ask someone a question about how something may or may not positively or negatively affect my marriage just tell me I’m not asking because I want the sunshine and roses answer.
