Remember Who You Wanted To Be

I work in the higher education field, so my colleagues and I have all sorts of kitchy cliche meaningless posters, sayings, signage etc on our walls, office windows, hallways and conference rooms.
There aren’t many that strike a cord with me, except one wall decal in a colleagues room that simply says.  Remember who you wanted to be ….
To a college student its a reminder to continue on with your schooling even though its hard and even though you’d rather go to a party than study.  Because if you get out of college and don’t manage a degree in whatever you were going for than you’ll probably end up not attaining your goal.
To a 30 something its a reminder that if this is not where you thought you’d be at 30 ish years old …. get your shit in gear and fix it.
Who did you want to be?  How did you end up where you are? Are you happy with the result?
I love my life, love my husband, love my child, my home my friends.  Am I who I wanted to be?  I don’t know in truth.  I think so, I think I’m the kind of person I wanted to be, I definitely have the marriage and life I wanted to have.  I think the only piece of my life that didn’t turn out the way I wanted was I did not want to work where I work.  I think too many times we fall into professions and then we stay in professions because we have a job and because to not have a job is not going to work.  The bills will still come, the paychecks will not and I personally can’t not have a job, the anxiety of that unstable situation would probably kill me.
So to remember who I wanted to be every day sucks a little because I wanted to be a writer, I still want to be a writer, I lack dedication though and dedication to anything is what will turn those of us who wanted to be something and aren’t into actually being that something we want.
There is a poem that was on a poster at the dance academy I danced at for 13 years as a kid

I’d like to be a could be
If I could not be an are
For a could be is a maybe
With a chance of touching par
I’d rather been a has been
Than a might has been by far
For a might has been
Has never been
But a has been
Was an are
-Unknown

I memorized that poem and I repeat it to myself almost weekly.  It takes a while to really figure out what it means, but basically I’d rather be a could be writer if I can’t actually be one.  I’d much rather be a has been writer than a might has been writer for a might has been writer has never been a writer but a has been writer was at one time an actual writer.
I wonder sometimes if blogs count, considering the fact that everyone and anyone can do it.  Don’t by the way 🙂 keep reading mine.  Writing a creating writing professor told me is like a muscle if you don’t exercise it you will lose it so I consider this blog my daily exercise, (if I can manage it daily).  You know for that novel I’m working on