My First Poop Explosion

This is disgusting and if you don’t want to read it move on now ….
Everyone has a poop explosion, that time when they aren’t ready for it and there is just poop everywhere.  Maybe you are home, maybe you are in a restaurant, maybe you are at a friends.  If you have had a baby, you remember your first poop explosion like you remember where you were on 9/11.
My son was probably 3 months old, give or take a few weeks. I was still on maternity leave and I was home alone.  Because he was breastfeed his poops were still very soft and sweet smelling which was so nice.  Not like now, now they are disgusting …
So he had pooped, no big deal.
I brought him to his changing table, and started my now familiar diaper routine.
No sooner had I turned to get a wipe (not in a warmer) did I see his little face squint up and see more poop start to come …
Oh no ok ok ok … I got this … I quickly grab a new diaper and shove it under his ass … we’ll just sit here and wait for it to finish ….
Oh no new mom … not so fast …
What’s worse than a baby pooping into a diaper that’s not actually attached to him while his mother holds his ankles in the air?
A gas bubble in the middle of that poop, that splatters said poop on the wall opposite the changing table, half of the diapers on the changing table and conveniently Mommy herself.
Once you have had projectile poop on you you never really recover. It’s more of a purse your lips and keep your mouth closed kind of moment.
Of course in the midst of the explosion, I didn’t keep an eye on the onsie or where the poop was going.
Not in the diaper by the way but instead all over the onsie.
So now I’m in a predicament, because here I have my child who has finally stopped shitting … a shit covered onsie, wall, diapers and mommy.  But of course because I’m a mother, the baby comes first …
Except now I have to get a shit covered onsie over his head without getting it all over the rest of him …
That turns out is impossible, so when my son now nakedly lovingly nestles his shit covered cheek to mine there is nothing to do but hold my breath and run a bath as quickly as possible.
30 minutes later, I’ve got the poop off the walls, off most of the diapers, I have changed and lysol’ed myself, bathed the baby and started a load of laundry.
That my friends was my first poop explosion … Good Times … Good Times