Martha Stewart … I Hate You

I mean honestly, could you make us mere mortals … I mean regular people feel any less competent?  I get her magazines of course, because what else would a sadomasicist like myself do but read all the ways she suggest you make your GD azaleas more beautiful.  I don’t have time to look up what an azalea is much less take pictures of them for my blog.  I barely manage to take pitcutes of my children.  I look at her magazine while I’m taking a poop … yep that’s right martha, the three and a half minutes I have by myself, is when I’m checking out your magazine.
Of course then I find myself irritated only because I’m reading her monthly calendar and its like Sunday – Ride my horse
Monday – have dinner with the kids
Tuesday – Nothing
Wednesday – Nothing
Thursday – take pictures of my GD azaleas
Friday – shop for wine
Saturday – take a hike
Sunday – Ride my horse
And on and on that goes for an entire month.  If I had a monthly list of self indulgent things I would do it would be something like
Sunday – Shower
Monday – Eat lunch
Tuesday – Shower (yeah that’s right twice in one week !!!! )
Wednesday – Eat dinner
Thursday – get to bed before 10 pm
Friday – Shower (WOW)
Saturday – I don’t even know I’ve run out of self indulgence.
I always say to my husband “I want to be the person that … fill in the blank”
I want to be the person that reads magazines and gets ideas from them. So I order said antichrist’s magazine and instead of feeling inspired I generally feel bad about my home decor, my lack of home cooked meals and my lack of self indulgence.  This is why I don’t read magazines … now I remember.
Not all people take her magazine that way, some really think that the chinsy $5 thing they bought at bed bath and beyond is the same thing as the $300 nautical themed pillow she has on her couch … you say potato, I say pototo ….
But I find her magazine to be self indulgent, overpriced, crap … Can’t wait to see what she comes up with next month 🙂