It’s not the same …

When I was pregnant there was a guy at work who was joking with me that I wouldn’t want to come back to work and in my smart ass attitude kind of way I shot back at him that I would of course want to come back and that I’d be back weighing less than I did when I got pregnant.  He and I had had a running joke of the size of the small blimp I had become during my pregnancy.
He laughed at me, having three children of his own already and said, you may weigh less, but you’ll never be the same.
As with all the advice, words of wisdom and funny stories I was told about life post baby before I had the baby, I smiled and dismissed it as a cautionary tale but not a definite.
I WAS WRONG
I do weigh less than I did when I got pregnant, I credit owning a Siberian Husky that requires at least a 30 minute walk every single day and breastfeeding.  But I am not the same.  I look the same, at least to the unsuspecting person but I’m not.
My body is different, forever it seems changed by the little child who grew inside it.
Thankfully I don’t have any of the scary side effects of being postpartum, like peeing myself (although it is advisable that I use the bathroom regularly) or hemorrhoids (thank god I dodged that bullet).
But my body is not the same, and it isn’t just the stretch marks its other small noticeable differences that I think only I can tell.
My husband is a saint and tells me daily how wonderful I look which is so great and I think my confidence would be totally shot if he were anything less than as wonderful as he is.  But still ….. its not the same.
My stretch marks closely resemble those mazes that are in childrens activity books.  My navel would be the middle of the maze that you are trying to get to and they span out from there.  Not quite as red as they used to be but still there and I worry that bikkini’s may be lost to me forever. 
My hips don’t fit in my jeans the way they used to.  My jeans still fit, but again it’s not the same.
My skin, which didn’t exactly have a glow to it when pregnant now regularly reminds me of an ashen corpse.  Although that may have to do w/ the lack of sleep, but who has time to put on makeup to fix it?  My hair literally falls out in clumps, its amazing I”m not bald, I thought I lost hair before the baby I didn’t know what lost hair was until after I had the baby.
Needless to say there are quite a few things that make me feel unattractive on a daily basis and its hard regardless of total pounds lost to feel sexy or pretty even.  I am working on it, like putting on some makeup but it can be a struggle.
So for those of you who have had babies and can relate to the “it’s just not the same” title.  I feel ya!
Maybe it never will be the same, maybe post baby body is the new normal but we should try hard to find the “hot” in the new normal becauase feeling pretty is important.  It helps our attitude, our sex drive and our overall approach to the day.  So if you can, go get a pedicure, a massage, have your hair done whatever but give the baby to the daddy and go do something for yourself.  It may not be the same, but it can be just as good ….