Crying it out Day 3
So I am exhausted I can’t even tell you. There are hormone surges when you are a new mother that literally make it so you do not need as much sleep as you would if you hadn’t given birth. Your brain chemistry changes for a time so that sleeping in two to three hour increments is enough and you don’t begin to hallucinate that George Clooney is in your kitchen cooking you kielbasa. Can ya tell I’m tired? I unfortunately though am no longer a new mother. I am a regular mother who’s brain has returned to normal and requires at least 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep so that I am not a total bitch.
I was ready for the night, I was scared because there is now dread associated with the nighttime. But I felt good about the past two nights progress and that things would continue on an upward tick. My husband even tempted the fates and said “maybe he’ll sleep through”. That my friends I’m pretty sure is what doomed us. He might as well have gone to Mount Olympus and shouted up to Zeus himself, you are half the god that Jesus is.
12:30 am …. he is up
I again go into his room, pick up him for about 5 minutes, make sure that he is ok, try to rock him for a bit. Put him back down and take up my post. This time armed with a glass of water that I put in the room before bedtime and a blanket.
He did not screamed right away but rather fussed and babbled for probably 5 minutes. Then he preceded to cry and settle himself down over and over again for at least another 15. Cry, settle, cry settle, cry settle. Each cycle taking approximately 1 to 1.5 minutes. Then he began to scream full on, no holds bar scream this went on for probably 20 minutes before my husband came into the room.
See while I was in the baby’s room, silently crying because I hate this so much, my husband was in our room getting more and more irritated.
So when he came into the room it was not shall we say in a calm submissive state, to quote Cesar Milan.
It was mad and rightly so, I had already said that I wouldn’t let the baby go on beyond thirty minutes and it was at least 40 at this point. I scooped the baby up, because once he saw my husband there was no way this was going to work.
I held him while he settled down and told my husband to go make him a bottle accepting defeat for the night.
It was not a good night, and I feel defeated and like if we can’t get this done we will up getting up with this child until he in 10. Of course I exaggerate and I know that’s not true. I also know however that this situation is my fault.
I am the one that took to feeding him in the middle of the night again to help him settle down. There were some legitimate periods of growth spurts but the problem is they are so damn hard to figure out. Do you let your kid starve when he’s growing more in his first year of life than he will for the rest of his life? Maybe I would have behaved differently if he was a better eater in general. But he’s not, he is in the 5% for weight, dropping steadily at every Dr’s appoint from 20% at birth now to 5% with our 9 month check-up looming just around the corner. The kid doesn’t eat to save his life, I have tried everything. He is probably eating at a 6 month level at this point. Otherwise healthy but very small, so I have a hard time not feeding him if he is hungry. But again, this psychosis of mine is what caused the problem in the first place. I did this to him and to my husband. Which means it is my responsibility to fix it and to help my son realize that if he wants to eat he has to do it between the hours of 5 am and 10 pm. The 7 hours between are non negotiable.
I guess we will try again tomorrow night ….
