Broken Home

Oh the broken home, I believe 50% of us still come from one.  Although I would like to know the statistics on broken homes after 25+ years of marriage.  What are the odds of that happening and where are the studies done on those families.  When the mother and father decide to call it quits but the kids are still kids they have to speak, talk, work things out; arrange visitation, family functions and holidays.  What happens when the kids are adults, when they have moved out on their own and are married or almost married?  What happens when the adults don’t have to do the adult thing and manage their crumbling relationship?  Does the family unit just dissolve? Are the children expected to manage the family functions and holidays?  Basically determining custody and visitation rights during these time periods?
“You take Mom on Christmas, I’ll take Dad for Thanksgiving.”
Like all relationships there are some needier parents than the others, so does the more stoic silent parent get the shaft and never see his or her family during these times because the other parent is more vocal and let’s be honest, the holidays are hard enough to find time to get to see everyone.  Using Christmas as an example its almost impossible to visit the four sets of families (both divorced parents) plus by the way actually spending time with your own family unit your husband and children in two days.  Or does Christmas become a week long marathon event, losing sight of its original intention and becoming a “how much time did you spend game”.
And how is this fair?  How do the children of the adult divorces who have most likely taken pride in their parents “making it” deal with the loss of that identity.  At a certain point the questions start to pop up, how long were they married when they should have gotten a divorce and did they stay married just for the kids?  Was I responsible for them staying together?  Were they unhappy longer out of a sense of responsibility?  Was my childhood and my “happy” parents a farce?
I don’t have the answers to any of these questions, but obviously I do know what its like to go through the “adult” divorce.  As a product of one of these I would strongly suggest to those people out there in the position my parents were and now are in.
If you aren’t happy, don’t stay.  You aren’t doing anyone any favors, you are prolonging the inevitable.  Making more miserable an already miserable situation and instead of allowing your 10 year old to deal with certain life truths.  You will shatter the ideals of a young adult and force your children into making up the custody arrangements between you and your now divorced better half.