Big Kid Daycare

I had to drop my kid off at a new daycare facility today.  I’m calling it big kid daycare as it is no longer a homecare that has 1.5 children and his food in a fridge that I know was cleaned the last time mine was.  The new place is serious, the new place you bring diapers and wipes to, you leave diaper rash cream, none of this pack a diaper bag every day thing, this place is a whole new level.  They have logs that I can look at every day if I so chose to see what time his diaper was changed.  I’m lucky if on my own I remember when the last time I changed his diaper was.
It was traumatic of course, bringing him to a new place first thing in the morning.  He was excited to see all the toys and then of course the inevitable dread as I had to tell him goodbye and he realized that his loving mother was leaving him with strangers.  At which point he prompty began screaming which of course made me cry and I had to leave immediately.  All in all a great morning and a lovely way to start my day.  It was easier when he was 4 months old and I had to leave him for the first time.  He had no idea what was going on and one care giver was just as good as another. I had a hard time of course but he didn’t care. 
Now he knows that this place is not the right place, that these people are not his people and “WHERE THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE GOING?” Was basically what he was shouting at me as the woman who runs the day care took it upon herself to bring him to the window so he could watch me drive away.  Thanks lady that’s what I want to see my kid screaming in crying in the window as I leave him in your care for the next 8 hours.
So while rationally I know that he will be fine and that he will enjoy and begin to torture the other kids at daycare just as soon as he dries his tears.  I feel generally like a piece of crap and a bad mother.  I am sitting on my hands just counting down the hours until I can go get him knowing that tomorrow I will have to do it all over again.  Watching your children grow up and forcing them to transition to new environments that you know are good for them sucks.  It just sucks, there is no way to make that better or to fill that hole.  Long term he will do better in this place and get more out of it.  Short term, I want to hand in my resignation and go rescue my kid.