5 Things You Need to Know About Being a New Parent.
There are babies babies everywhere and I love it. So many friends of mine are having children and I realize what an amazing stage of life we are in. I also realize what a humbling and level playing field we have all entered. Children are the great equalizer. All of them will humble you in different ways and they will make sure you know that you are not in charge.
So as many of my friends enter this new place in their lives I offer just a few tips
1. There is no right way to do anything – With that said, there is no wrong way either. What works for my family will not work for yours. What works for my children will not work for yours. All you can do is take pieces of information that people will give you either solicited or not and alter it to fit your lifestyle. The sooner you get over what the “right” way is to do whatever you are attempting the sooner you will find your right way.
2. Sleep is a magical thing – brought to you only by little baby sleep fairy’s when you haven’t pissed them off. DO NOT PISS OFF the magical baby sleep fairy’s. I am a firm believer now having had a child who didn’t sleep and a child who does that what you do does affect the way your child sleep but does not ultimately decide whether or not your child is a sleeper. Either you are blessed with one or you aren’t. With that said, there are things you can do to help or hurt the sleeping.
DO Let the child sleep on their own. I know its tempting to hold that sweet newborn constantly and that you can’t help the nagging feeling in your head that something will happen to her if you put her down. Let it go, the child has to learn to sleep by themselves at some point.
DO while they are tiny and will basically sleep 20 hours a day put them down while they are still conscious and let them fall asleep on their own.
DO accept that you will use a sleep crutch. Accept it now so that when it happens you don’t spend three sleepless nights trying to fight something that works.
A sleep crutch is a tool that you use to help your child fall asleep. I’m referencing paci’s, boob, swaddle, sacks, mobile, white noise, night lights, singing, rocking, bouncing on a birth ball, swing, vibrating swing, co-sleeping etc … The entire child stage until about 4 is a transition. You will transition them out of or onto everything all the time. IF a sleep crutch works, do not worry about transitioning them off it. You have to sleep, it is literally necessary to life so get enough sleep so that you aren’t basically hammered because that is what sleep deprivation is equivalent to.
3. Bottle or Boob – We all know my answer, I love breastfeeding. But I didn’t start out that way, I went into breastfeeding very much with the attitude of I’ll give it a try, if it works great, it if doesn’t that’s fine too. Now I’m like the La Leche League’s unrecognized cheer leader. But in all seriousness, I have seen the spectrum I feel like. Friends who never wanted to nurse and didn’t, friends who wanted desperately to nurse and couldn’t, friends who did nurse, but hated it …. it is not for everyone, it is a huge commitment and at the end of the day both roads have their benefits and draw backs. I guess my point is that try not to get caught up in a pre-conceived notion of what you know you will do when you have this baby. Unfortunately until you have gone through it, you have no idea what it will be like and you don’t know how easy or hard it is. I will say that with my second I was totally paranoid that breastfeeding wouldn’t work out. I had enjoyed it so much with my son that I knew if for some reason I couldn’t nurse her that it would weigh on me and I was anxious about it. Couple that with the stomach flu when she was about 10 days old and I nearly lost my mind. Luckily for me it all worked out and we are going on 6 months strong.
4. You are not the person you were when you went into the hospital – I did not leave the hospital as the same person that entered it. I left the hospital a parent, a mother, who had gone through labor. I was bruised, torn, battered, tired, sore, and couldn’t sit or stand without assistance. Oh yeah and they gave me a human … I was not the same person coming out as the person who went in. There is a level of love in my soul that didn’t exist until my children put it there. My anxiety level is through the roof now, it was just under the ceiling before and now given the right circumstances and a little lighter fluid and I will blow the top off anything. I can joke about it because I recognize that I’m a little neurotic and I’m working on it. But initially with my son, I had a hard time at family functions. I had to have eyes on him all the time, I didn’t like people holding him. It was difficult at best to leave him. I did, I do, he now roams the house free of my hawk eyes. Although I am still pretty eyes on at any kind of gathering. My point is, you will change, your husband, partner, baby daddy / momma will change, you have to allow for that in your relationship. You have to make room for the people that you will grow into as this is something neither one of you has done before.
5. Let it Go – You are about to enter into a time in your life where for the first time ever it is not all about you. You may think that you are a giving person who thinks of others before yourself. Who is there for other people all the time and who sacrifices your own self for the benefit of others. Honey you ain’t seen nothin yet. You as the person you were before the tiny human needed you for everything could cease to exist if you don’t take care of yourself. Ask for help, for god’s sakes, don’t try to do it all. I say this, having rarely if ever asking for help and definitely trying to do it all all the time. It isn’t healthy and its not good for you or the baby. Get help, take a nap, eat, go for a walk, attempt to gain back just a sliver of the person who made this baby. Go out with your person, even if its just for an hour. Take a deep breath and relax. The nights are long and full of darkness …. name that show š … you will have plenty of time to tend to the child / children constantly. Take some time even just a few minutes a day for yourself.
Bonus tip – LOVE IT .. love every minute of it. Embrace the never ending patience you have to have and love what you are doing. You created a person, you get to help shape their lives. Be the mother you want to be and love every minute of it.
